Navigating Anxiety Through Internal Family Systems: Seth Kopald’s Journey

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by anxiety in a challenging situation that you didn’t know what to do next? For Seth Kopald, this was a stark reality during his divorce. The fear of losing connection with his children loomed large, and he often found himself asking, “How much time will I have with them?” As panic set in one night while driving home, he struggled to catch his breath and realized he needed help. This moment marked the beginning of his transformative journey into the world of Internal Family Systems (IFS).

The Turning Point: Discovering Internal Family Systems

Seth’s therapist introduced him to IFS, a therapeutic approach he had never encountered before. Founded by Richard Schwartz over 40 years ago, IFS is based on the idea that our minds consist of multiple parts, akin to sub-personalities. Schwartz’s book, No Bad Parts, emphasizes that understanding and treating these parts with compassion can help us manage stress and improve our overall well-being. For Seth, this new perspective was life-changing.

Understanding Internal Family Systems

At its core, IFS posits that we all have various parts within us, each with its own perspective and role. Some parts may dominate our lives, while others remain hidden. Schwartz’s initial work with adolescents suffering from bulimia revealed that these individuals often described conflicting parts within themselves, such as an inner critic that made them feel worthless. This realization led to the development of IFS, which encourages individuals to embrace all their parts, fostering a sense of balance and wholeness.

The popularity of IFS has surged in recent years, with over 6,000 certified practitioners now available to help individuals navigate their internal landscapes. Therapists utilize IFS to address a wide range of issues, from relationship challenges to coping with trauma and loss. However, some professionals caution that the growing interest in IFS has outpaced the research supporting its efficacy, highlighting the need for further studies.

Seth’s Journey: From Anxiety to Empowerment

For Seth Kopald, engaging with IFS was instrumental in managing his anxiety. He discovered that his feelings of anxiety were rooted in childhood fears of feeling unloved. Through IFS, he learned to acknowledge the hurt child within him, allowing him to unburden himself from the pain and shame that had been holding him back.

“There’s a big difference between saying, ‘I am the anxiety and fear’ versus ‘I am here with the fear, I’m here with the anxiety,’” Seth explains. This shift in perspective allowed his natural state of confidence, courage, and compassion to resurface. “It’s almost like I have a new operating system now,” he adds.

The IFS Process: Steps to Self-Discovery

If you find yourself grappling with stress, whether from relationships, tragedy, or other life challenges, exploring the IFS process may be beneficial. Here are some key steps to get started:

1. Quiet Your Mind and Look Within

Begin by finding a quiet space to sit and reflect. Notice any bodily sensations or emotions that arise. Are you feeling tension in your neck or a tightness in your chest? These sensations may indicate parts of yourself that need attention. Focus on one sensation or image and ask it what it wants you to know.

2. Start a Dialogue with Your Parts

In IFS, no part is considered bad; each has valuable insights to offer. Seth recognized that his anxiety stemmed from “protector” parts trying to help him navigate his divorce. By engaging in dialogue with these parts, he learned to understand their motivations and how they were contributing to his anxiety.

3. Take Some Space

IFS encourages individuals to separate themselves from the noise of competing parts. Seth found that recognizing his anxiety as just one aspect of himself brought a sense of calm. By asking his anxious part for space, he could comfort the scared child within him rather than being overwhelmed by fear.

4. Get in Touch with Pain from Childhood

IFS teaches that we all have exile parts that hold onto painful memories, often from childhood. These exiles can be triggered during difficult times. By allowing yourself to relive these experiences and acknowledging the hurt, you can begin the process of unburdening.

5. Take a U-Turn

Seth describes a technique called the U-turn, which helps gain perspective during moments of negative self-talk. By observing which part is triggering anxiety or negativity, you can reassure it that you are in control and can handle the situation.

6. Uncover the Light Within

As you learn to manage your parts, your true self can emerge. In IFS, the Self is seen as the leader of your internal system, offering love and protection to all parts. Seth likens this to the sun, which remains powerful even on cloudy days. By removing the barriers that block your light, you can experience greater clarity, compassion, and calm.

A New Beginning

Today, Seth Kopald enjoys a loving relationship with his children and has remarried. As an IFS-certified practitioner, he has written a book titled Self-Led: Living a Connected Life With Yourself and With Others, sharing his insights and experiences with others. While he still encounters stressful moments, he now has the tools to navigate them effectively.

In a world filled with challenges, exploring Internal Family Systems can provide a pathway to understanding and healing. By recognizing and embracing our internal parts, we can cultivate a deeper sense of self and navigate life’s complexities with greater ease and resilience. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, relationship issues, or personal trauma, the journey of self-discovery through IFS may just be the transformative experience you need.